So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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