You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Terrible idea I love it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
