the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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