Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
