I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
