apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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