Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
