we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
