he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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