Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
