It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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