I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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