we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
