Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
