the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
