Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
