If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
being pregnant is like rehab
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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