He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
