we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
