I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
