Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
