Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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