I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
