hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
