Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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