there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
