your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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