The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
