I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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