He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
