Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
