Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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