I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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