at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
from now on my penis is your penis
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
