I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
