i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
