How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i've created a new STD.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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