two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
