The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
