you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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