I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
