I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
