Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
