I murdered the dance floor call the cops
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
