There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
