go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
