dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
