coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
