I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
