apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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