I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
