then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
