Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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