So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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