Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
