Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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