Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
