a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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