We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
