the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
