Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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