Duck Duck Cougar?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
