Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
