I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
