Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
