Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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