Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
