so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
