My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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