I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
