im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A bitchslap is in order.
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