why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
