I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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