Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
