hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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