my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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