1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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