Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
