i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
