Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
