I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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