How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
