Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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