i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
