I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
