He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
